Managing Difficult Colleagues: Practical Tactics That Actually Work

There's an art to disagreeing without blowing up your career. Across a couple of decades working with teams in Sydney, Melbourne, and Perth, I've watched the same dynamics repeat , different faces, identical fallout. You can be brilliant at your job and still get derailed by one person who turns meetings into battlegrounds, or saps morale with a steady drip of passive aggression.

The good news: most of it is manageable. Not with magic, but with strategy.

Why Bother

Because the cost of inaction is real. The Australian Bureau of Statistics' Personal Safety Survey shows a concerning proportion of employed Australians reporting workplace harassment. This is a gentle reminder that poor interpersonal dynamics aren't personal failings, they're systemic risks. Left unchecked, they erode productivity, retention, and the psychological safety of your team.

The Mindset Shift First

Treat the situation like a business problem, not a personality feud. Too many people default to "they're just toxic" and then act as if nothing can be done. That's defeatist and it misses the leverage points. Most difficult behaviors are adaptive , someone's response to pressure, insecurity, unclear expectations, or poor leadership. That doesn't excuse bad conduct. It does give you a direction for intervention.

Two controversial but useful views up front:

• Give responsibility to difficult people instead of sidelining them. Yes, really. Heavily disputed among managers, it has been shown that being useful and accountable often calms defensiveness. Some will push back; many will lean in when the ask is concrete and respected.
• Document mercilessly. It feels bureaucratic. It's not petty , it's professional. If things escalate, facts win; emotions fade.

Spot the Patterns, Not the Person

Before you rush into conversations, map the behaviour. Is it constant negativity? Selective cooperation? Sabotage disguised as "honest feedback"? Does the person push back at everyone or only certain colleagues? Patterns tell you whether you're dealing with a misaligned role, a clashing personality, or something deeper like stress or burnout.

Simple observation will reveal much: time, place, triggers. Once you've got evidence, you can move from opinion to influence.

Communication Tactics That Work

A few practical communication moves that actually change outcomes:

• Use fewer words. Don't rehearse your argument; state the observable behaviour, its impact, and the desired change. "When you interrupt in status meetings, people stop contributing. Please let us finish before you respond." Short. Specific. Actionable.
• Frame with "I" not "You". It sounds trite because it's true. "I find it hard to finish my points" lands better than "You always interrupt me."
• Ask a single clarifying question. Everyone's quick to defend; fewer people can defend against curiosity. "Help me understand what you see differently?" disarms more often than it provokes.
• Keep tone steady. This isn't about being nice; it's about being predictable and professional. Calm voice, steady pace , people mirror the tone.

Active Listening , Actually Listen

Active listening is misused as a management buzzword. Properly done, it's a tactic. Reflect back what you heard in two lines max. If the person corrects you, you've learnt something. If they confirm it, they feel heard and you've neutralised a complaint.

And , this matters , listen to the subtext. "I can't meet that deadline because of X" might actually be "I don't think I get credit for this work." Tackle the real need.

Setting Boundaries , Early and Firm

Boundaries are not walls. They're guardrails.

• Be explicit about what you will and won't accept. If someone pushes work onto colleagues at 5 pm repeatedly, say, "I can't take unplanned deliverables after 4 pm without notice."
• Enforce gently: remind, then escalate. Many managers let things slide because confrontation is awkward. It is awkward for a reason; it works.
• Keep consequences consistent. If you say you'll involve HR after repeated issues, do it. Inconsistent consequences undermine your credibility.

Documenting Interactions , How to Do It Without Becoming Tedious

Record date, time, what happened, who witnessed it, and any follow up. Keep copies of emails. Save meeting notes. This isn't about building a dossier to punish; it's about having a clear record if formal steps are needed. And it helps you spot patterns you might miss in the moment.

De escalation: The Techniques That Calm a Room

If a meeting heats up, use these moves:

• Pause. Literally take a breath and suggest a five minute break.
• Re anchor on purpose. "We're here to decide X; let's get back to that."
• Reframe conflict as data: "Different views are helpful, let's list the assumptions behind each."

Emotion regulation is part of leadership. Train it. Role play it. Teams adapt when they see leaders manage their own responses.

When to Involve HR or Leadership

Not every problem needs escalation. But these are clear triggers:

• Harassment or discrimination
• Repeated, documented breaches after direct feedback
• Behaviour that risks legal or health consequences
• When team morale and performance are suffering measurably

Bring evidence, not emotion. Present patterns, show impact on outcomes, and propose solutions. HR works best when they're given concise facts and a willingness to participate in remediation.

Turning Difficult People Into Contributors

Often, the most effective strategy is to reframe the relationship. Ask: what would engage them? More autonomy? Different kinds of projects? Clearer KPIs? In multiple Organisations I've seen people labelled as "difficult" thrive when given a narrow scope of control and accountable metrics. The trick is designing an intervention that gives them dignity and structure.

Training and coaching often help. We run short, practical modules that teach assertive communication and feedback frameworks. Their ROI is not academic, teams start hitting deadlines and retention improves. Investment in skills beats letting dysfunction fester.

Cultural Levers Matter

Individual interventions fail if the system rewards the wrong behaviour. Culture eats strategy. If the Organisation tolerates gossip, lacks transparency, or moves quickly without shared purpose, difficult behaviours reproduce.

Focus on these levers:

• Clear role definitions and decision rights
• Regular, structured feedback cycles
• Senior leaders modelling the behaviour they want to see
• Consequences that match values, not just enunciations on posters.

Yes, some managers think culture change is slow and costly. I disagree. Small, consistent nudges , recognition, quick feedback loops, and role clarity , compound quickly and are low cost.

Self care and Boundaries for You

Dealing with a difficult colleague can be draining. Protect your energy:

• Schedule recovery time after tough meetings.
• Don't micro fix, delegate influence.
• Keep your network, peer coaches are gold.

If you are in HR or leadership, remember your role includes psychological safety. When staff fears speaking up because of a colleague, productivity and innovation shrink. That's less a 'people problem' and more a leadership miss.

Practical Conversation Template

If you need a script to start, try this short structure:

• Open fact: "At yesterday's meeting, you raised an issue after the decision was made".
• Impact: "That undermined the group and created confusion".
• Request: "Going forward, raise concerns before we finalise decisions, or speak to me afterward so we can address them".
• Confirm: "Can we agree on that?"

Short. Direct. Respectful.

What Not to Do

• Don't gossip. It spreads and becomes your problem.
• Don't public shame. Performance conversations should be private and documented.
• Don't ignore behaviour because you like the person personally.

Leading by Example

Senior people set the tone. If leaders tolerate sarcasm or undermine others, the permission spreads. Conversely, leaders who model clear, direct, humane behaviour create teams that hold each other to higher standards. Be that leader.

One Final, Slightly Contrarian Point

Sometimes the best outcome is a mutual parting. Not every relationship is salvageable. Promoting someone else out of the team, moving roles, or, yes, termination , these are legitimate tools. Avoid defaulting to retention at all costs. It's kinder in the long run for the team and often, for the individual labelled as 'difficult'. That's not pleasant, but it's practical. Real outcomes matter.

A Closing Thought

Dealing with difficult colleagues is not about winning a person over or being liked. It's about preserving productive work, dignity, and the mental load of your team. Tackle it with clarity, document the facts, and be prepared to make tough calls.

People change. Organisations change. Sometimes both need a nudge.

Sources

Cannell, M., with Budic, J., Ellis, M., Mirsepasi, J. and Tan, K. 2021. Personal Safety, Australia, Nov 2021. Australian Bureau of Statistics, Canberra.